Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Saturday, August 14, 2010
I am having a hard time
Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like if I never moved. Would I have been happier. Would I have better friends. Even though I was only a little kid, I grew found of the little two bedroom shack. Where me, mother, father and my two brothers all lived. So many great memories were built there. Some we will never ever get back.
I had the truest friends and a great life. The best life an 9 year old could have. I wish I could go back to running through the creek with my brother. Climbing trees, being dirty. Being the best little girl I could be. Having no running water I never complained. It made me happy because I never had to take a bath. I really hated those cold sponge baths in the winter.
But then you had a heart attack. And that's when things got bad. Grandma started losing it. Saying dad and the rest of us were taking things from her house. This was all so strange to me since I was only a small child. Then shortly you past away and everything took a turn for the worst.
We moved to Iowa and nothing has ever been the same. I miss you more and more each day. I wish I could see you again, smell you, hug you, talk to you. I wonder if you would be proud of me, would you love me? I miss your joking around with me. Riding in your red Monte Carlo. Getting McDonald's. Each day gets harder. I think of all the kids I know that have their grandpa's and I am jealous, I am envious. You were taken away from me. And I would give anything to have you back. I want to have your scent on me always.
I want you to know I've never forgotten about you. My daddy is starting to look more like you everyday. I think that's why I am so close with him. I know he hurts. He has a hard time expressing his feelings, but I can tell and I know that he wishes you were here too. He has nobody. Mom tries being there for him, but it's just not the same. I have nobody. I only have one person I can talk to. And I know she gets tired of hearing the same things from me, but I have no one else to talk to. I talk to you sometimes, but I don't think you can hear me. I wish you could let me know if it was you that protected my in my car accident. So many things I wonder. But I shall go for now. I talk to you soon grandpa, okay? I love you, forever.
I had the truest friends and a great life. The best life an 9 year old could have. I wish I could go back to running through the creek with my brother. Climbing trees, being dirty. Being the best little girl I could be. Having no running water I never complained. It made me happy because I never had to take a bath. I really hated those cold sponge baths in the winter.
But then you had a heart attack. And that's when things got bad. Grandma started losing it. Saying dad and the rest of us were taking things from her house. This was all so strange to me since I was only a small child. Then shortly you past away and everything took a turn for the worst.
We moved to Iowa and nothing has ever been the same. I miss you more and more each day. I wish I could see you again, smell you, hug you, talk to you. I wonder if you would be proud of me, would you love me? I miss your joking around with me. Riding in your red Monte Carlo. Getting McDonald's. Each day gets harder. I think of all the kids I know that have their grandpa's and I am jealous, I am envious. You were taken away from me. And I would give anything to have you back. I want to have your scent on me always.
I want you to know I've never forgotten about you. My daddy is starting to look more like you everyday. I think that's why I am so close with him. I know he hurts. He has a hard time expressing his feelings, but I can tell and I know that he wishes you were here too. He has nobody. Mom tries being there for him, but it's just not the same. I have nobody. I only have one person I can talk to. And I know she gets tired of hearing the same things from me, but I have no one else to talk to. I talk to you sometimes, but I don't think you can hear me. I wish you could let me know if it was you that protected my in my car accident. So many things I wonder. But I shall go for now. I talk to you soon grandpa, okay? I love you, forever.
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